Thursday, July 29, 1993



The socks didn't smell like unwashed feet - it was closest to the smell of a lynx, which doesn't help very much if you haven't been near a lynx that's marked its territory, and a lynx has a very big territory, so it was like the scent that a male cat sprays, only much stronger. I don't know where Dave is now, so I can't help anyone who wants to get in touch.

copyright 1999 Mark Bellis
GUELPH, JULY 29 (1993) - Pheww!! A Guelph man has won the World's Smelliest Socks Contest by having socks so smelly not even a dog will go near them. "I had a dog at home, one sniff and he'd run under the bed. My in-laws have a cottage near North Bay. When I take off my socks, they'd rather go out and face the blackflies." says Dave Hargrave, 47, of Guelph, who won "The World's Smelliest Socks Contest" in New York yesterday.

"He'd used to sit around with his feet out so I just couldn't stand it" says his wife Linda, who has to do his laundry."I saw an ad in a tabloid for the World's Smelliest Socks contest, I said to him 'Dave,you're a shoe-in for it!'. So I picked out the stinkiest one, put it in a ziploc bag, and mailed it to New York - I had to fill out a customs form - I just put down 'Smelly Sock'!.

"I work making auto parts" says Dave "This was one that I had been wearing in my work boots, but I can wash my feet as long as I want and ten minutes later they still smell."

Dave says that his mother, father, girlfriends and ex-wife have all complained about his foot odour for as long as he can remember. "I had an old doctor that recommended bathing my feet in cucumber rinds and milk to kill the odor. I tried that - it didn't work."

The contest, sponsored by the British Knights shoe company to promote a new canvas sneaker that allows the foot to transpire, and hopefully not smell, received 300 socks from all over North America. Judges included British Knights Executive Vice President Larry Schwartz, Publicist Eric Yaverbaum and his dog Lucy. "We picked Eric 'cause he has the largest nose" says Schwartz. Final entries were sniffed out by Lucy, a Labrador retriever mix, whose response was measured by the degree that she avoided the socks. Dave's size twelve socks did not fail to produce the same duck-for-cover reflex on Lucy that it did on his own dog.

The stinky footgear punted Dave into the rank ranks [I know, I know!] of the top ten finalists, all of who win a three year supply of British Knights canvas outdoor basketball shoes.

In his spare time, Dave prowls the yard sales, helping Linda build her various collections, which include an estimated 10,000 buttons, 1000 fridge magnets, 180 souvenirs spoons, and over 2200 items of pig memoribilia.

"She sure has a pile of pigs" says Dave, "Every time you go into a room in this house, you see a pig." The items include pig slippers, pig lamps, pig hats, pig doorknob covers, pig clothes, and of course, piggy banks, including a very fetching depression-era Porky Pig.

"We always celebrate March 1, National Pig Day." says Linda. "I wanted to get a pet pig but the City of Guelph doesn't allow them." Linda hopes to start a pig fanciers' club. "We're both kinda funny."she says.

Dave Hargrave shows off his socks and his wife's collection of pig memorabilia, Guelph, 1993

Cure Found?

GUELPH, N0V 19, 1993 - A mysterious green liquid may be the cure to a Guelph man's big problem - his smelly feet!

"They sent him a bottle of blue stuff to try first. They said just to soak your feet in it but he wanted to have a bath too, so he took a shortcut" said his wife, Linda. "He poured the whole bottle into the bath and soaked in it - when he came out he was blue in places he normally wasn't."

"My ass was blue! Every time I bent over you could see it!" says Dave Hargrave, 47

He received bottles of a deodorant concoction called "Dr. Pedirose" (literally 'Dr. Roseyfoot') from Rene Klemme, a Montreal businessman, for him to test on his feet. The blue liquid worked well, but another green liquid worked even better. "It works for up to two and a half months." says Linda.

Dave, a machinist, is more skeptical "On hot days the effect is minimal.Wearing heavy work boots for eight or nine hours take their toll"

Linda interrupts "No, it eliminated the odor completely! I should know, I sit next to him and he takes his shoes off and puts his feet up when gets home from work and watches TV."

Dave had to sign a waiver not to reveal the composition of the liquid, which has a strong odor of wintergreen and camphor. "It's the best thing I've tried, but soaking my feet in cucumber rinds and milk works OK, too." Dave says.

Copyright 1993, 1996 Mark Bellis

Monday, July 5, 1993

Moon World Unification Church

 TORONTO JULY 5, 1993- The leader of a world wide religion preaches that he is greater than Jesus Christ and prescribes sex rituals to his followers, according to a professor at a Toronto theological seminary.

The reverend Sun Myung Moon, head of the World Unification Church, popularly known as "Moonies", says "Before I came, all the world was in darkness, all the prophets who came before me were failures" as quoted by professor James Beverley, a professor at Ontario Theological Seminary in Toronto

Professor Beverley, who is writing his doctoral thesis at the Toronto School of Theology on the doctrines of the Unification Church, has read over 6,000 pages of Moon's sermons during his studies. He exposed some little-known feature before a meeting of the Ontario Skeptics this evening.

The Korean-born Moon claims to be an original thinker, but Professor Beverly quotes sources to show that he derives his ideas from five Christian group popular in Korea.

The Unification Church, known for its mass wedding ceremonies involving thousands of members being married in huge rituals lead by reverand Moon requires its newlyweds live apart for up to three years and then consumate their marriages over a three day ceremony in sexual positions that Moon teaches his followers to use. The also strike each other with sticks on the buttocks,"'It's supposed to hurt', the Unificationists tell me, to remind them of the fall of Adam and Eve." Moon believes he and he wife form a perfect couple which redeems mankind's sins.

Moon also preaches that his followers should not use two sheets of toilet paper at a sitting and should not grow beards or mustaches because he doesn't do either, and that women should be inferior to men. "A woman can never be stable by herself" noting that woman are easily distracted. "A country where women dominate will not prosper and will eventually perish.

Moon also has been accused of anti-semitism. In one of the sermons quoted by professor Beverly, Moon says during the Second World War, "Six million perished to cleans the sins of the Jewish people from the time of Jesus Christ. Jews have good minds, but little common sense...if they stuck together they could easily take over this situation." (Society in the USA)

"The main thing that sticks out from his sermons is his unbridled ego - I don't think he realizes how scandalous and crude he sounds." said Beverly, who is writing a book about the Unification Church.

The Unification Church has about 100,000 members worldwide.