It was really said by in slightly different forms by Charles Duncan McIver, the founder and first president of what is now The University of North Carolina at Greensboro . The quote, found here in a clipping from the May 19, 1900 Morning Post of North Carolina. is "When you educate a man you educate a citizen and when you educate a woman you educate a family". In The Waynesville Courier, dated April 1, 1902 it goes: "When we educate a man we educate an individual, but when we uducate (sic) a mother we educate a whole family".
Sadly, McIver was speaking about the "white girl" of the "Civilization of the South".
Canadian novelist Marian Engel used a version of the quote in her novel "The Glassy Sea". A researcher at the University of North Carolina wrote to her to ask where she got the quote from and she sent back a handwritten letter saying it was a saying of her father. Engel wrote "The quotation was probably used to justify the filling of the universities with Women while the men were away 1914-18" (World War I).
Tip of the hat to Facebook user Beth Mary
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